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32 Things We Are Not Panicking About


There are plenty of things in the world to panic about. Some are rational. Many are not. If we were worried about real dangers, we would be constantly freaking out about the flu, dying in a car crash,giardia, whooping cough, chronic stress, obesity, skin cancer, or drowning.

Once you’re in a panic, there are so many things to panic about! But it’s also possible to stay cool—to follow the immortal advice of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: DON’T PANIC.

With that in mind, below is a list of 32 real-life phenomena that could be panic-inducing, but chances are you are not panicking about them currently. 

Feel free to substitute any of these concerns for a real panic-inducing anxiety. Why worry about an election you can’t control when you can freak out about the lights on the 2017 Jeep Wrangler or the giant underwater city found off the coast of Mexico? (Was it built by aliens? Could it have been built by aliens?)

Either way, just remember: deep breaths always help. Ready? Here we go. These are 32 things that we are totally not panicking about!

  1. Radioactive avocados
  2. Expensive avocados
  3. Badly brewed tea
  4. Spiders on bananas
  5. Global coffee shortage (ok, maybe a little now that it’s come up)
  6. Global chocolate shortage
  7. Ginger-nut biscuit shortage
  8. Buses without working brakes
  9. 2017 Jeep Wrangler headlights
  10. Eavesdropping TVs
  11. Robot self awareness
  12. Algorithms taking our jobs
  13. The state of the Pokemon Go servers
  14. Youtube being down
  15. Peach butts on Instagram
  16. The relationship between Bachelor stars Cam & Nikki
  17. Hugh Jackman’s mullet
  18. Meth in your ecstasy
  19. How to pronounce Ryan Gosling’s name (It’sGosssling not Gozzling.”)
  20. Soaring rents
  21. Brexit
  22. Zika virus
  23. Russian missiles
  24. Death by zit-popping
  25. Fecal particles in beards
  26. Changing star signs
  27. The black moon
  28. Asteroids destroying the planet
  29. Overbooked LSAT centers
  30. A giant underwater city possibly built by aliens
  31. Giant robot jellyfish
  32. Dolphins abandoning us

We hope this helps.

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